The First-Time-Grower’s Guide


Sustainable. Indoor. Organic. Hydroponic. Gardening.


Aquaponic Cannabis Cultivation

(A Seven-Part Series)


Brought to you by ~ The Royal Hippie Gangster


…I am here to explain ONE WAY of growing…

…that I believe is YOUR BEST OPTION…

(if you plan on harvesting more than once or twice)

And this book/membership-site takes the time to explain WHY!

(and How)



Eventually, this pile of junk…

(…the containers in the photo above)

(…and you can use something else if you want, once you understand the concepts-ratios)



…becomes something that the STARS OF THE SHOW

…(aka, the ‘livestock’)…

…live in, on, and around!




This book/membership will teach you how to properly introduce (the right kind of) Fish into your system once it’s showed you…


…how to get it up and running.



Heck, the Worms introduce THEMSELVES into their new habitat…if you’re patient, and know they prefer darkness.



Ultimately, this book/site teaches someone how to grow MY FAVORITE PLANT…

…the best way possible…

…(albeit indoor, away from the pest known as Human)…

…using “organic hydroponics”






If your FIRST thought, is…

“SIGN ME UP NOW!”…I don’t care what it costs, it’s WORTH IT!

Then you and I are simpatico 😉

Click here ——->  {I MAKE GOOD DECISIONS}  <——- to go to the C.C.C.C. Membership Options Page,

And Begin Your Journey!

With Love,

Royal H.G.






If that WASN’T your first thought…


(…first, I’d like you to reconsider replacing YOUR first thought, with THAT one  ;))


And if that’s not possible; perhaps you’re more of THIS mindset:

“You know what, I’m not about to bust out my pocketbook just yet…but I’m DEFINITELY CURIOUS and I know that I’m gonna wanna know more than I can find out from just a fraction of ONE section, of a TWELVE section membership!”



So if you’re curious, and you know it, clap your hands.


(just kidding)…


(how would I know?…unless you made a video of you clapping, and then sent it to me…and THAT is what I used as my “sign up” method…sounds cumbersome, for all involved…so,)








Click here ——> {KEEP ME IN THE LOOP} <——- to begin receiving a taste of the fruits of my labor.



(aka…emailed tidbits of interesting information from each of the twelve sections…with the intention of getting you to subscribe to a membership level of your liking, and subsequently teaching you how to grow, in a way that takes care of WATER)

(Because I’m made of it)

(…meaning, look for emails about the Membership…check your junk mail if you don’t get one within three days after signing up…”whitelist” the FROM address (Me), so you’ll get them easily from then on…learn, have fun, enjoy!)

(…and then subscribe)



Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming…



Part 1: The Grow Room


Section 1: The Genesis


What is “Grandpas Garage Garden”


7-Part Series

What’s in it for You / What’s in it for Me

My Top 3 Reasons for Creating This

Why I do this (Emotional Core)

Who (else) is this For

Who this is NOT for

Message to the Great Ones

What makes “Grandpas Garage Garden” Unique

Garden “Nutrient Delivery” Nomenclature (methods & meanings)

Garden “Canopy Management” Nomenclature (methods & meanings)

The BEST POSSIBLE WAY to grow any Plant!

Grow Methods – Pros and Cons

Starting from Seed vs. Starting from a “Clone”

The Dirty Little Secret

The Truth about Hydroponics

The Primary Advantage

How to START

Find your “Why?”

A word on “Recreational” Use

Further Considerations

(…and you’d better consider them…or you’ll fail every try until you do)

(Water Conditions Checklist)

Where should I set up my garden?

(Garden Checklist)


Bonus Material:

What about MY water conditions?

What if I’m NOT building on a concrete slab?

Some Relative Statistics

The Endocannabinoid System

Chloramine Removal Experiments

Links: to People Helping Nature

Picture(s) of the Tools of the Trade


Section 2: The Mind Shift

Section 3: Structure / Mechanical, Electrical, Plumbing / Substrate

Section 4: Fish Tank

Section 5: Worm Bin

Section 6: Bell Valve

Section 7: “The Flower Tower”

Section 8: “Quick Start System (Q.S.S.)”

Section 9: VEG Chamber

Section 10: Sump/Service Bucket

Section 11: Operation & Maintenance

Section 12: Proof (GET SOME!)


(Bonus Material & Links to Helpful Information)



SECTION 1: The Genesis



What follows, is for my Grandpa…

…the cleanest, most sustainable and truly organic way to grow medicinal grade cannabis indoor…

”Grandpas Garage Garden”



Attention:  All other growing methods are now obsolete.



Wait! Before you stop reading (because of that brash proclamation above)…please hear me out.

I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.

A LOT of good things can happen…just keep reading.


And Yes, I will come across as a pompous dick at times.


Enjoy it, get mad, flip off your computer screen…OR…realize it’s just a cathartic release for me to be able to say PRECISELY WHAT THE FUCK I WANT without some jackass “authority” figure tryin’ to tell me what time it is.



…or do.


This is not an attempt to talk anyone into trying something they’ll probably fail at anyway…

(if they need to be talked into it, to begin with)

…and then blame their lack of ‘commitment to a decision’, on the “tone” with which the instruction was delivered.


This, is the only way I know how to be Me.

(And besides, my Grandpa wouldn’t have it any other way)


Organic Dirt/Soil Growers, eat your heart out…this method re-cycles and re-mineralizes WATER…then re-delivers it, thoughtfully, to the roots…using but a smidgen of the water your method does.

(Guess how hard plants grown in this system have to work to find nutrients…and what they do with all that new found energy ;))


Hydroponic Growers, it’s time to transition.

After reading this book, looking at the pictures and seeing how simple this is…I’ll look forward to you joining Us.

(And you’ll look forward to better product!…and smiley-er faces!!)



How to Grow the BEST POSSIBLE Cannabis you can!

The First-Time-Grower’s Guide to Aquaponic Cannabis Cultivation

(Part 1: The Grow Room – Caring for the Live Plant)

A step-by-step guide to help you build and operate what I affectionately refer to as, “Grandpas Garage Garden.”



What is ‘Grandpas Garage Garden’?



Sustainable. Indoor. Organic. Hydroponic. Gardening.


…using Solar-Powered Aquaponics…(when you’re ready;)


……to GROW: Fish, Worms, Fruits, Vegetables and/or Medicinal Herbs;

GENERATE: Commerce; (selling/bartering/trading) with your surplus (and your “waste”)

………SAVE: Money, Trips to the store, and the Planet!


………..and most importantly,


………………..PROVIDE, SAFELY: For yourself and your loved ones


…all in 4′ x 8′ space (the size of a sheet of plywood!)



………………one ‘Grandpas Garage Garden’ at a time.




I don’t suggest making your garden THIS small.

I’m here to prove that it can, and IS, being done!

When you only have so much room to begin with…you let the engineer in you figure it out.

I will point out the spots where, if space were available, I would use it…and in what order of preference, based on weekly use of the 4’ x 8’ garden.


Also, it is a mistake to believe that “Grandpas Garage Garden” cannot be assembled ANYWHERE you have the space.

(I take the time to explain why I chose the garage…you may have some place better!)


(alternate – for the “sticky dank” crowd….How to GROW XX LBS of totally organic YY, Every ZZ WEEKS!…eventually I’ll gather the data and report, from THAT angle of concern…but it should be obvious at this juncture that numbers like SPEED of grow and WEIGHT of harvest are secondary to me and come as a result of paying attention to other numbers, like BRIX.)

(And ironically, by forgetting about the former mentioned “numbers” and focusing on the latter (BRIX)…the SPEED and WEIGHT take care of themselves, easily.)


*(coming soon – “The Self-Provider” – a miniaturized version)



The First-Time-Grower’s Guide – A Seven-Part Series


1. Caring for the Live Plant – Grow Room

WATER – Do you know what’s coming out of your faucet?

Transitioning from Hydroponics – Quick Start System

(while you “cycle”, grow the way you know!)

(coming soon!) V.T.P.S. – Vertical Tube Plantlet System

(for growing a WIDE VARIETY of “baby greens”…which are biogenic and offer great life-force energy!…a “CBG-approach” to growing Cannabis as well…watch your plant limits though!)

2. Caring for the “Produce” After Harvest – Dry Room

3. Where, When and How to Make “babies”  – Clone / Micropropogation Set-up

(don’t let your kids see this ;))

4. How to Feed the System – Spirulina Production “Facility”

(Who you tryin’ to get crazy with Ese?, don’t you know I’m loco!?!)

5. How to obtain other necessary inputs from an “outside” source that will add biodiversity to our tiny little man-made-ecologies called “Grandpas Garage Gardens” and if we’re careful when we do it, will bring health and abundance to our little slices of heaven…Our Gardens!

– The “Suburban Solar Aquatics System Self-Watering Garden and Automatic Dog Water-er”

– (for water polishing and home-grown fertilizer production, among many other things)

6. How to Power the System – The Power Pod

– (When it’s time to take responsibility for providing your own Energy)

7. What to do with your “Waste”

CBG Trimmings

Fish/Worm effluent from a water change/dilution




What’s in it for YOU?


i. Perhaps nothing, other than an entertaining glimpse into the mind of a nutcase.

ii. On the other hand, it may be the HOLY GRAIL of growing options you’ve been searching for…

…spelled out in great detail for your perusing and subsequent duplication, if you so desire.

iii. This will be up to YOU to decide.

(I already know how I feel about it, and I’m 51/50 ;))

(If you’re not from California, and familiar with the mental health / law enforcement codes…you’ll just think I’m bad with fractions…and/or cliches.)






i. Because these donations will be used carefully and thoughtfully to biologically re-develop parcels of land that meet a specific set of criteria; using…

(Geoff Lawton-style) Earthworks,

(Masanobu Fukuoka-style) Natural Farming,

(Sepp Holzer-style) Permaculture,

(Dr. John Todd-style) Solar Aquatics


(Paul Stamets-style) Mycoremediation.

ii. And if caring for Ma’s “skin” (the top six inches of the surface of this planet) isn’t your thing (and reason enough to make the requested donation)…perhaps your TIME is valuable to you.

iii. Go ahead, do the research. It only took me a decade…to read, research, investigate, discern, attempt for myself, design, build, test, operate, photograph, compile and organize this data. If you have the time, go for it!

iv. I believe I’m providing something of significant value, something that I WISH I had as my launching pad into “organic hydroponic” (i.e. Aquaponic) Cannabis cultivation.

v. If you decide to part with your hard-earned dollars to save yourself A LOT of time and energy, I’ll be grateful.

vi. In one move you’d be contributing to my dream…

1. …to help heal Ma’s skin (my underlying purpose here)

2. …to educate and entertain those interested in one of my passions (the cannabis plant)

3. …and last but not least…

4. …your decision to trade Your dollars for My time, thought and organizational abilities, will be validating.

5. Thanks in advance.

vii. Idea: And if you DO decide to “do business” with me…AND…you build one of your OWN!…I would love, love, Love to hear your story, why You chose this way, and some (appropriately sized) pictures of your progress/results.

viii. First, it would be SO COOL to see your interpretation!

ix. And Second, it would give me some juice to stick it in the nay-sayers FACE!

x. …with your permission (and our discretion in mind), of course.

xi. (And to be honest, I’ll care for Ma’ with your donation too…even if you’re only “doing business” with me to save yourself some time…just so we’re clear. ;))




What’s in it for Me?


1. This is me placing my tile in the Mosaic of Life

2. This is me leaving the trail a little more clearly marked for those who choose to follow this route

3. This is me giving back, to the plant and planet


I hope to corner the hydroponics market and one-by-one (or ten thousand-by-ten thousand, even), convince each hydroponicist to eventually succumb to my incessant nagging to switch to aquaponics and become an aquaponicist.


Yay for Aquaponicists!


…(and No, these ‘cists should NOT be removed ;))

…It’s just the Earth gently telling us it’s time to step-up our mind-game.

Like most (cysts), Aquaponi-‘cists are a tell-tale sign of what’s going on with the larger host organism…in this case, Earth.


The Aquaponi‘cist is a ‘sign’ that it’s time to clean up…the way we grow…and more specifically, the way we ‘use’ Water.



And if I’m being super-duper honest about what’s in it for me…

(allow me to quote a short lyrical monologue by the Oakland rapper ‘Too Short’)


”…and we get, a brand new house, full of brand new shit;

a brand new car, in the brand new drive way…

I always keep the top down on the highway…”


(I’m more of a 1973 Pinzgauer 710K kinda guy though ;))


So yeah, I’m probably going to go all ~Kroll Show ‘Rich Dicks’~ for a minute…wouldn’t you?!

…With way less self-loathing though.

I’m the type of guy that’s going to have a peaceful, loving person prepare Low Glycemic Raw meals (read: highly biogenic)

…that’s the sort of ‘Rich Dick’ I hope to become 😉



THAT, is what’s in it for Me.

ALL of it.




My Top Three Reasons for Creating This



1. Ma’ Earth

2. My late Grandfather

3. And page three hundred four (304) of the world famous (rightly-so in my opinion),

“Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible”

 …specifically, the section covering “Hydro-Organics,”

…otherwise known as “organic hydroponics”


When I was doing my research, trying to determine which was the “best” possible method for what my goals were…

…(the healthiest, fastest growing Cannabis I could possibly grow for a loved one in need)…

…I started with the book above, as many do.


And in my consideration of attempting “organic hydroponics” I zoomed to the section in the book mentioned above and read it twice!

Once, just as fast as I could. And another time to make sure that the sinking feeling coming over me wasn’t because I had read too fast and had misunderstood some pivotal point they were trying to make.

(…and come to think of it, I think I got their point)


It sounded IMPOSSIBLE to me!


And that, is one of the reasons I invented “Grandpas Garage Garden”…to prove to myself it wasn’t.


(Other than THAT, (what I perceive to be inadequate information and leaving much to be desired on THIS particular subject, from such an otherwise very informative book), …that is a FANTASTIC book to have in your library.

If you care to educate yourself about taking care of this particular plant, I suggest familiarizing yourself with it (or something similar).  I own a copy (among many others).)


*If you do use the book I’ve mentioned as a reference guide (which is precisely what it’s good for), disregard EVERYTHING it says about nutrients…


…or you’ll KILL LIVING THINGS in “Grandpas Garage Garden”.



A quote from the aforementioned section of “Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible”…


“Organic nutrients require heavier flushing.”


REALLY, Jorge?! Is THAT how Mother Nature has been doing it…heavier flushing???


You CANNOT “FLUSH” the organic nutrients when growing Aquaponicly…or you’d kill the ecological balance of the system you worked so diligently to create in the first place!


“Grandpas Garage Garden”, the ENTIRE AQUAPONICS INDUSTRY, and Mother Nature Herself…spit in the face of this perpetuated ignorance.


What farm/ranch do you know of, that begs for two straight weeks of pouring rain…

(for a good natural “heavy flush”)

…leading up to a harvest date?


(…because organic nutrients were involved…)







Wanna hear the real truth?


Click here ——-> {I MAKE GOOD DECISIONS}



If you’re CURIOUS but not ready to subscribe just yet…